Friday, February 12, 2021

REVIEW: THE SPLENDIDLY SOPHOMORIC SOPHOMORE ALBUM ‘NO GLORYHOLES IN HEAVEN’ BY GOD HATES UNICORNS

 

“This is an insult to all I have created.
— GOD

What can be said about this album? Really? What can — or should — be said?

Would you ask someone to review the Mona Lisa? What about Beethoven’s Fifth?

This is the dilemma I face on this drizzly Friday morning. Having spent last night in bed listening to No Gloryholes In Heaven (in both earholes, I might add), I find myself fundamentally changed, shaken to my core, and irrevocably disturbed.

And I think I want to listen to it again.

 


You can stream the entire album now, but before you do, let me give you some background on what you’ll be stepping into.

God Hates Unicorns aren’t particularly gothy or darkwavy in the traditional Darkness Calling sense, but there’s no denying the dark, sometimes nihilistic tone of these songs, even if singer Joshua Hartz keeps his tongue planted firmly in-cheek. The sound of God Hates Unicorns — on this release in particular — is very grungy, distorted, and rock-driven, sometimes calling to mind 90’s greats like Primus and Veruca Salt.

There’s also an old-school punk rock element to the whole affair, heightened by the presence of co-vocalist Jessica Zoric. She previously provided vocals in the electronic-rock outfit The Molecule Party. Here, she channels a different energy entirely: one that feels right at home in the God Hates Unicorns landscape. Her vocal parts are some of the album’s most fun, as they’re dripping with attitude and a winking charm. She also injects a much-needed feminine touch to tracks like “Not Your Day” that would be hard to pull off otherwise.

This band is no joke, either. Marcus Gabriel Dryburgh, Jeff Zambon, Timothy Saunders, and Matthew Crippen provide some bone-shattering riffs and funky rhythms that will have you unsure if you should dance or headbang. (Why not both?)

Some of the album’s instrumental moments, namely the jam session that closes out “Heaven Scent,” feel reminiscent of (hear me out) early KoRn — in the sense that these guys aren’t afraid to create musical moments that are a little jazzy and a little grungy, with some 90’s hip-hop flavor thrown into the mix. 

 

ALBUM HIGHLIGHTS: 

 

Manners: When Josh and Jessica give us that “It’s called manners” chorus, it’s a seriously badass moment. There’s also a brief but face-melting guitar solo.

Not Your Day: What a song. Ask White Zombie to re-work “Baby It’s Cold Outside” and you’d probably wind up with this. It’s a wild, theatrical track that makes me wish I could see these guys live.

Walk It Off: Another great, catchy chorus. These guys really have a knack for getting words stuck in your head that you wish weren’t in there. And more stellar guitar work propelling the song into fist-pumping territory.

God Hates Unicorns 2: This back-and-forth dynamic is something that wasn’t always present in God Hates Unicorns, but it really adds to the comedic, fun nature of these songs. I went back and listened to the original “God Hates Unicorns” from the first album, and it’s very impressive to see how much they’ve evolved. This album is tighter, better produced, and more insane all at the same time.

It’s Not Real: This is perhaps one of the album’s more serious tracks, focusing on the religious indoctrination of children, but it’s an anthem if there ever was one.

There are also two bonus tracks: “Man, I Feel Like A Woman” (yes, a Shania Twain cover) and “Chipped Ma’am” (a much superior re-work of a previously released song). I see why these were included, as the Shania Twain cover would be a real hit in a live setting, and “Chipped Ma’am” really benefits from the added presence of Jessica. Going back and listening to the original “Chipped Ma’am” was an interesting experience. The band had more of an electronic sound in those days, and while the humor was still present, the vibe was more Smells Like Children and less “Wynona’s Big Brown Beaver.”

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